It's been a long time coming, and I think I have a lot to say. I've transferred from one blog to another, and by now I think I'm finally home. I used to have this passion to share what I know, to blog my heart out every single day and to tell the world that it's okay not to be okay. I miss that feeling, I miss that girl. To tell you the truth, I miss the actual blogging, posting about where I've been and what I've been doing. Now that I have some time to spare, I guess I can say that I'm back.

A lot has happened in my life since I last blogged. I have this other space where I rant most of the time, usually on a 3am, with a cigar at hand. For most of you who know me, by now you know that I have a lot of issues, and I have a lot of complains about life in general. Most of the time, I tend to overthink things which makes my life a lot harder than usual.

I've entered this new chapter in my life nine months ago. I have graduated from immaturity and started to put my goals into actions. And so far, so good. Many people have left me throughout this journey. Some of them left me unexpectedly, some of them just didn't care about how I felt. The journey felt like hell. I thought I was never going to survive. I thought it was the end of the world. When someone you love leaves you, all you have is nothing but your powdered heart in your chest. And it's difficult. I can assure you it really is. It's difficult to put all the pieces back together especially when you're rushing to do it on your own. So some piece of advice? Take it slow. You'll get there. Learn to let it go.

If there are those who left, there are also people who came into my life. Some helped me get through the worst days of my life, others just added more problems to the equation. There are those who helped me, saved me, and ended up hurting me in the end. For that, I still thank them everyday, I pray for them to be happy and not feel the same feeling that I felt when they left me hanging. I've learned to accept the apologies that I've never gotten. Because in the end, it's up to us if we're going to be happy, and to be happy, we must let it all go.

So here I am, trying to start over. For nine months I had been happy, sad and angry. Most of the time I was crying and hurting in so much pain. I've been asking myself, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Then I'll go ask God, "Why are you doing this to me?"  Until I started believing that someday it'll all make sense. I've decided to start now, because it's not too late. All that crap will be over now. I am going to fix my life. I am starting with myself, and will try to be happy on my own.
I'd rather be alone than be surrounded with "friends" who judge me and talk about me behind my back.

So I'm choosing to be alone. For now. Like how I used to. Stop depending on others, stop trusting too much. Life's much better if you surround yourself with nothing but comfort and happiness. No stress. So if you're stressing me out, then you're out of my life.

For nine months, I've started working, I've adjusted a lot, was left by the love of my life, met new friends, smoked and drunk my heart out, fell in and out of love, got hurt all over again, learned my lesson, and here I am, promoted as a team manager. Life's a roller coaster that never ends. It's up to us how we're going to enjoy it.

So you should to. Just saying.